I thought I needed two days in my ‘cave’. But I woke up this morning, feeling satisfied with my cave time. 

I checked out, drove the beautiful scenic route back to my house. 

I felt refreshed, recharged.

Again, that was exactly what I needed.

Before yesterday, I felt as if there were many obligations in my life, things that I ‘had to’ do, I lost my drive and inspiration. 

Now, I feel like I’ve got my energy back. I have the energy again to serve, myself and others. 

All because I took the time for myself, to fill my cup, to take care of my own needs.

In nature. With no noise, except the sounds of crashing waves. 

Just me, myself, and I. 

I’ve been an extrovert my whole life. Rewind to a decade ago, in my twenties, I couldn’t even stand being in my own room by myself.

Yet, the older I get, the more I crave my alone time. It feeds me. It rejuvenates me. 

I was surprised that what it took to get me out of the rut was simply checking myself into a secluded bungalow, for a night. That was easy! 😉

More adventures to come…!

Today, I checked into a bungalow on the east side of the island, Than Sadet. This part of the island is quiet, more secluded, 30 minutes away from town. 

I’ve got a bungalow on the cliffside up on the hill. The hike up here with my backpack was quite a workout. But it was totally worth it. I’ve got the ocean right in front of me. Surrounded by nature. 

This is exactly what I need. 

Disconnect to connect. 

Exactly what I need. 

Something is happening to me. I feel as if I have lost my inspiration, my drive in life. Things are stale, not moving. My innate ability to cheer myself up is not there. I feel numb. I feel indifferent. I don’t necessarily feel sad or depressed. I just feel nothing. 

I don’t remember the last time I feel this way. I have had sad moments, I have felt depressed, anxious and all that. But I don’t remember the last time I felt indifferent. 

It’s not necessarily a feeling of peace either. Though, not having anxiety feels nice. But not feeling anything at all…? I am wondering what’s going on. 

Maybe it’s just a sense of melancholy. The contrast of my usually hyper vibe. Is this how many people feel…? Those who feel stuck, those who hate where they are…?

I do have a sense of feeling stuck. My spirit wants to get up and move. But my physical body is not going anywhere. I feel a sense of obligation. Going against where my soul wants to go. 

I am quite good at surrendering to my circumstances. I could be impulsively going for what I want at times. But I am also good at dealing with circumstances I don’t like. 

How am I not able to bring my vibe back up? What’s really going on? I ask myself.

At the same time, knowing and feeling that everything is okay. Having faith that this too is for something and this too shall pass. 

I am not holding on to being happy all the time. I accept myself when I am not feeling good. I don’t resist how I feel. I let myself feel everything I feel. 

So what’s the purpose of all this? What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?

How will I fill my cup this time?

[To be continued…]

Around 530pm, I went to meet with Amihai at his shop. I drew a ‘daily card’ on his counter. Obsidian #39 was what I got. The theme of the card – Know Thyself.

Referring to what I have written before, all the questions I was asking, I got this card – Know Thyself. Ha!

A poem I wrote at 7pm.

******

Let the suffering purify your heart.

Sit with the discomfort you feel.

All are meant to get you closer to your heart, to love, back to yourself.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

The rainbow after the storm.

The cliches have truth in them. 

Know thyself. 

Two big words.

A life-long curriculum.

Being back on the island Koh Phangan, I miss my solidarity on Koh Samui. I miss being at a cafe where there’s no chance of running into somebody I know, where I can be totally in my zone and not get interrupted. 

While I thought I’d been to almost everywhere on the island, the morning after I got back, I remembered there was a place that I’d been wanting to go. I had only seen it from the street. So I thought why not. 

I went and I was delighted! The cafe is very cozy and comfortable. Their menu is affordable. And they have the drink I like – Caramel Macchiato with soy milk. Oh my! I had been craving for that since Samui! Just like that, I found my little Samui on Koh Phangan. 

Their customers here are mostly Thai. Not many foreigners here. And nobody I know! I was so excited to have found this place and thought of posting an Insta story about it. But I stopped myself because I don’t want anybody else to know! Haha. Yes, the selfish me. 

I’ve been coming here every day since I first came. Today I came late. They close at 6pm but they let me be here as long as I want. So now I am sitting here, by myself, the cafe is closed, the street is buzzing. I thought to myself. This is my haven! I feel as if I am camouflaged into the background. Nobody can see me sitting here. I’ve been here for hours. Reading, working on my computer, watching the street, listening to music. My heart is filled with gratitude. I know it’s nothing, but these little things do fill my heart!

Two days ago, I got back to the crystal island Koh Phangan after 5 days on Koh Samui. I had quite a morning. I won’t get into the boring details. But I saw the best sunrise of my life while being super grumpy not getting enough sleep – the end of my Samui trip, for now.

After getting back on the island, I had scheduled to meet with Amihai from a local shop called Magic Stones. I was introduced to him because he wanted to take his products online.

A while ago, I put it out to the Universe that I would love to help local artists take their products online for the world to see and buy. When this opportunity appeared, I instantly grabbed it. This has been my dream! As soon as I stepped into his shop, I was blown away by his creation. Amihai handmades everything in his shop. Everything is one of a kind! From jewelry to hand-carved knives to hand-made bags… it was as if I had entered Charlie’s Chocolate Factory. Except this is Amihai’s Magic Stones Shop in Srithanu, Koh Phangan.

The meeting was amazing. We hit it off right away (and we have the same freaking birthday!). While I was talking to Amihai, there was a guy in the shop who overheard our conversation. He came to me and said he had been wanting to start an online shop and heard that’s what I do. He was so nervous to talk to me that he had to go outside for a few minutes for a breather. 

It was as if all the stars were aligning. 

I decided to have a chat with him over some tea after my meeting with Amihai. His name is George, a 27-year-old German boy. Other than helping local artists, I’ve always been passionate to share my knowledge, especially about business. We talked about his ideas, my business, and my journey as an entrepreneur. Then came to find out, my friend Chanti had met him on the ferry coming to the island and had mentioned me to him if he needed help with his business. So we were supposed to meet two months ago! Ha! This is the magic of Koh Phangan, where synchronicities are everyday encounters. 

A rather emotional morning, traveling, to feeling on purpose and fulfilled by the end of the evening – it’s really funny how Life works. 

Opportunities could come from all directions when we don’t expect them. Same as the opportunity to serve and give. 

Now that I’ve got sucked back into the Phangan vortex, very excited to start collaborating with Amihai, while the desire of living in Samui still lingers in me, I am reminded of this quote “If you want to make God laugh, show him your plan”. I might have to stay on Koh Phangan after all… for now.

We shall see!